Yahweh Returns

 

 

A large group of people were having a party at a large stadium.  It was before a championship soccer match, so they were all having a great time mingling among themselves.  Out of nowhere a man appears with a bellowing voice.  “Excuse me! Excuse me!”,  he says.  Everyone stops and looks at the man.  The place gets really quiet and the man begins to speak.  He says, “I am Yahweh.  You know me as God.  I just thought I would come back to Earth and see how things are going”.  Immediately without hesitation some people crowded around him and start bowing to him.  Yahweh notices that not everyone is bowing down to him so he gets angry and screams, “Bow down to me! All of you!”  So even more run over to him and start bowing down.  Now most of the crowd is bowing to him.  

Just then out of the crowd a man walks up and says, “I’ll play along.  Are you the real god?”  Yahweh replies, “Of course I’m the real God!  How dare you question me!”  The man finds the anger on god’s face amusing.  Yahweh continues, “What is your name mortal?”  To which the man replies, “If you are god wouldn’t you know my name?  Or am I out of your scope and I’m just a certain man like some unknown men in your texts?”  Astonished Yahweh says, “You have read the sacred texts, you must be a priest.  Are you one of my priests or are you a priest of a different god?”  The man replies, “Im an ancient historian.  I have read all the god’s texts”.  This causes Yahweh to yell to the crowd, “I am the one and only God!   You will love no other god than me! Do you understand? I love each and every one of you!”   To which the crowd keeps bowing and says, “We love only you Yahweh!”  Yahweh looks pleased and says, “Good because if you didn’t you would burn in hell for eternity!”  

Yahweh turns to the man and says, “Tell me your name or I will have the crowd kill you”.  The man turns to the large crowd and sees all of their hypnotized eyes and understands that all Yahweh has to do is say the word and the people will kill him.  So he tells him, “Ormarr, my name is Ormarr, son of Thor”.   Yahweh looks surprised and says, “Thor!  I thought I had my people kill his line off a long time ago.  Well being the bloodline of a god you are definitely wise.  No wonder you will not bow to me.  I can see why they gave you the title of Historian”.  Ormarr replies, “No one gave me the title, I chose it myself”.    Yahweh looks a little confused and says, “If you chose it yourself, Thor’s line must be pretty powerful.  Stay close Ormarr, I have use for you”. 

Yahweh then calls a few people up out of the crowd and gives them collection plates.  He tells the collectors, “Take these plates through the crowd and start a collection for me”.  He then turns to the crowd and says, “I am passing around a collection plate.  Give generously to your one and only God! For I am the reason you are here and the reason why you own the things you own.  I take Visa, MasterCard and American Express!  Along with all forms of monetary money including gold and silver! I love each and every one of you and the more you give the more I will love and watch over you.”  Yahweh turns to Ormarr and whispers, “I’ll have enought money to buy the world by the end of the day”.   Ormarr asks, “Why do you need money? If you are a god, can’t you get whatever you want?”  Yahweh responds, “Mortals love money.  If they give me money then I know I have them.  I can ask for all of it and they will give it to me.  They don’t care what I spend it on.  They just want to think they are going to have the easy road to heaven”. 

Yahweh turns to the crowd and tells everyone to get up and resume their day.  “Have a good time”, he exclaims. Then before he walks away he tells the crowd,   “I have just one more request while we are all gathered here. Will you sing praise songs to me?”  So the music starts and everyone breaks out into songs about the Great Yahweh.   The women start dancing provocatively and giving Yahweh lap dances.  Yahweh is having such a good time that he tells the crowd, “This celebration deserves a sacrifice!  Who will sacrifice their son to me?”  Without hesitation several people bring their young sons up.  “We love you so much, take mine!”, they say eagerly.  Ormarr jumps in and tells Yahweh, “We don’t sacrifice humans anymore.  How about a cow, so everyone can eat steak?”   Yahweh thinks about it and decides it is not a good option.  He tells Ormarr, “I am a King of Aries! The Taurus worshippers sicken me.  I will only have a Lamb sacrificed in my celebrations.”  Ormarr can see where he is going with this and tells Yahweh, “We are in the age of Pisces.  How about we sacrifice fish to celebrate?”  Yahweh thinks about how he thought the Upper Egyptians could not change with the stars and that is why he did not like them.  So he agrees, “Bring me fish to celebrate my return in the Age of Pisces!” 

Ormarr explains Yahweh that we are near the end of Pisces and about to go in Aquarius. To which Yahweh replies, “I know. That is why I am here.  To make sure no one tries to use the star prophecy to over throw my rule.  They tried at the beginning of Pisces with Jesus, but a deal was reached and he became the Lamb of God in Pisces. With me still being the ultimate God. The stories they made up are very good.  They keep the people docile while worshiping me and this Jesus character”.  Ormarr looks and little confused and asks,” So he is not your son?” Yahweh laughs and says, “Heavens no!  If he was any god’s son it would be Osiris. Can’t you tell that symbols of Osiris are all over Christian temples?  They think I don’t know, but I just let it slide. These mortals think they are worshipping a man-god when they are really worshipping Osiris.  He is a good friend of mine so I can handle that.  Now the ones you call Jews, I am their true god.  They have been waiting for me to return.  They know me as Thoth, the Architect of the Universe.  The Masons know of me too.”    

“What about Islam?”, Ormarr asks.  “They know nothing about the star prophecy, but still have me as their God.  So I say let them be ignorant.  They are still fighting over me and anyone who fights over me is good.” Ormarr just shakes his head in disbelief.  “Don’t you want intelligent people following you?”, Ormarr asks.  Yahweh shakes his head and says, “If they were intelligent, they would all start questioning like you!  Then no one would follow.  Only the ones who are of the blood lines of the gods are smart enough to start questioning, so a deal was made with the blood lines to keep the population ignorant.  They get to rule and I get worshipped”.   

Yahweh goes on, “We gods like the mortal women!  Once we created them we were very impressed with our creations, so our bloodline is all over Earth”.  Just then Yahweh stands up and exclaims, “Bring me all the women, so I can choose who will be my wives and lovers!  The ones who are not chosen, they will be the property of men and the men may do with them what they wish.  If they deny you, you may force them!”  Ormarr interupts and explains, “The world does not work that way anymore!  Most women are not seen as property.”  As Ormarr was talking, women were happily coming up and showing off their goods to Yahweh.  Yahweh was very pleased to see his toys.  He was even excited to see the ones who had plastic surgery done.  “My my, I did bless the hand and eye that made you look better”, he exclaimed.  One woman he found very pleasing to the eye was to become his favorite.  “Wow!  We did such a great job with this one.  You appear to be a very religious woman.”, Yahweh said excitedly.  All Ormarr could do was roll his eyes because he knew the term religious woman in ancient texts was code that she loved and enjoyed sex. Now he knew why it was put in there. 

Just then a person with a mask and hood on walks up and confronts Yahweh.  “You call yourself a god!”, the masked person yells angrily.   “At best you are a corrupt god!  Just like the priests all over this planet. You lie to these people and say you are the almighty god when you can’t even keep sickness and disaster from happening.  You either have favorites or you have no power!  If you have any power it is that of a child poking at an ant hill then watching as everyone scurries to rebuild the damage. You are no God!”  Everyone could see the anger in Yahweh’s eyes and face as he blurted out, “How dare you talk to me that way!  You will bite your tongue or I will have the people stone you to death”.   Ormarr jumps in and tells Yahweh, “We do not kill people for speaking up anymore!”  Just then all the people started surrounding the masked person with rocks in their hands.  

Ormarr goes over to the masked person and says, “I don’t know who you are, but people are ignorant and want some stupid person that says they are a god to lead.  They will do exactly what he says”.  The masked person replies, “I know this.  I also know that nothing will change whether they kill me or let me walk away, so I’m going to kill Yahweh.”  The masked person pulls out a sword and challenges Yahweh.  “A fight to the death!”, yells the masked person.  Yahweh starts to laugh and sneers, “No man can kill me.  You are wasting your time and mine”.   “Afraid a mortal is going to hurt you and show these people that you are not very powerful?”, questions the masked person.   Yahweh’s anger was boiling over.  “I grow tired of your insubordination! I will make an example out of you, so no one will ever challenge my authority again!”, he declares.  To which he pulls out a sword and accepts the challenge.  

Yahweh charges after the masked person and brings a mighty swing with the sword.  

To which the masked person does a back flip to escape the danger.  

Yahweh looks surprised and says, “Impressive, but your monkey moves will not save you”.  

He lurches forward with his sword and the masked person continued retreating.  

Yahweh charged with a forward swing and followed it with a backswing. 

The masked person dodged the first swing and met the second with their own sword.  

With the swords clanging loudly Yahweh backed the masked person into a rail and dealt a blow to the masked persons right leg.  

The masked person fell to one knee and yelled in pain.  

Yahweh smirked and said, “Time to end this”. 

The masked person tried to stand but dropped to one knee again.  

Yahweh raised his sword for a mighty blow and brought it down.  

Just as the sword was coming down the masked person rolled with a defensive move behind Yahweh and thrust the sword through his upper chest.  

Down went Yahweh  to his knees as the masked person pulled the sword out.  

The masked person walked to the front of Yahweh to finish the battle.  

Yahweh smirking in pain said, “No matter what you do you can not kill me. You fool. No man can kill me”. 

Just then the masked person pulled the mask off and the hood back revealing flowing hair and an angelic face.  

“My name is Jessica and I am no man.”  Just then she brought the sword around with a mighty swing for the last blow.  

Jessica raised her sword to the crowd and screamed, “The patriarch god is dead and I have killed him!”   To which some of the crowd cheered and others cried.  There was unrest in the stadium.  Ormarr went up and took Jessica’s arm hurrying her out of the stadium.  “We have got to go! Before we find out if what you did is good or bad”.  They rushed out as fast as they could with some of the crowd chasing after them.  

6 thoughts on “Yahweh Returns”

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